last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
