So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
