just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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