Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
