You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You dont lie about slip and slides
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
