is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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