xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
