Your mouth is God's brothel.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I FOUND THE LEGS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
