Buhtt sex?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
