I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
