her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
