Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
