I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
