if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
