Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
