Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
