Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
