she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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