I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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