I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
