Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
