I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
