i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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