would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
