i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
