Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
