just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
