then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
