he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
