The beer is more important than you right now.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
