If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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