Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
