New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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