we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
