You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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