I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
