if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
