Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
