??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i love accidental penises.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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