and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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