He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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