I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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