So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
