I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
