You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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