I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
