i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
