He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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