You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
