I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
