So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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