I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am midnight drunk by noon
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
