I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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