sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
