Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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