You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
