Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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