Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
