he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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